Family of Me

by Daphne
Updates Mondays and Fridays

Scene 69: Shortest Sister Distance

Mom (Me): Hello Lark.

Lark (The Dreamer): Good morning Mom.

Mom: How are you feeling? The last time we spoke you were having a pretty tough time, and you mostly kept to yourself at the beach.

Lark: I’m… Okay, I suppose. Disappointed, maybe? I’m not exactly sure.

Mom: Are you still beating yourself up over your relationship with Ivy?

Lark (evasive): No, I… I wouldn’t say I’ve been beating myself up.

Mom (pointed): What *would* you say then?

Lark: I don’t know. I mean, she’s my big sister! I should have a strong relationship with her.

Mom: I think you will, but you can’t force these things.

Lark: I know, but… You know how, before you summoned Ivy, we talked about how there’s a distance between Libra and I that felt wider than the distance between Libra and Bloom?

Mom: Yes, because changes in my life haven’t been uniform over time.

Lark: Right — I worked hard to find Ivy, thinking that I’d have a connection with her like the one Libra has with Bloom. But now that Ivy’s actually here, she feels more distant to me than Libra does. Like… Like she’s choosing her partner over me.

Mom: That’s not really fair to her, Lark. First of all, she’s still somewhat new to this place and is still finding her footing. She accepted right away that she’s a girl, sure, but she still feels like she’s trying to fit in. And second of all, she’s The Companion, the persona I built around my relationship to our partner. That particular relationship is going to be an important one for her for as long as we live.

Lark (pained): Okay granted, what I said wasn’t exactly fair, but… I figured she’d want to have a close sister, just like I want to have a close sister. I guess she already has a close relationship with one partner, whereas my connection to our partner feels a little detached. And in a way, Ivy sort of feels like my last chance to have that kind of relationship. Whomever Ivy’s older sister turns out to be, she’ll almost certainly be more distant to me than Ivy is. I… I don’t want to be a loner, Mom.

Mom: Dearest, you won’t feel like a loner. You’ll always be a part of this family.

Lark (timid): I know, and I wouldn’t give any of you up for the world, but I still want a sister I’m especially close to.

Mom: What I’m saying is I think you’ll find that sister. I’m not exactly sure how, but I know my mind likes symmetry — even though creating all of you wasn’t exactly a conscious process, I’d be shocked if I built a family where you were an odd girl out.

Lark: Thanks Mom… I’m having trouble imagining it, but I trust you.

Mom: Speaking of having trouble with things, I’m still struggling with why you and Ivy don’t get along better. I can explain Ivy’s distance from you in historical terms, but it kind of feels like you don’t really get along with her either.

Lark (tearful): I don’t know, I guess I don’t! Part of me just kind of gets angry at her sometimes. Like I want to be close to her, but then I also want her to understand how much I hurt, and she doesn’t get it! She keeps siding with her partner over me, her family!

Mom: I think she understands, Lark. She has all the same memories you do and then some. I think she’s just processed some of those memories more than you have. Or perhaps they’re not a priority for her as the Companion — honestly I’m surprised they’re a priority for you. As The Dreamer, I’m not sure why you’re getting so hung up on defending your old behavior. I’d expect you to be dreaming about what you want to do as a woman or how to build your future together.

Lark: When you put it that way it feels weird, but I’m not *just* the Dreamer, right? I’m also you in your 20s. And you were pretty concerned with this stuff in your 20s.

Mom: I guess so… It still feels off to me.

Lark: Off or not, I’m stuck with trying to figure this out. It’s not like I’m choosing to feel this way.

Mom: I suppose not. Well, is there any way I can help you with it at least?

Lark: You have been helping. I think I just need time to process though.

Mom: Okay, dearest. If you need me for anything, please don’t hesitate to ask, okay?

Lark: Of course, Mom. Love you.

Mom: I love you too.