Family of Me

by Daphne
Updates Mondays and Fridays

Scene 11: Not My Dream

Mom (Present Me): You seem to have calmed down a bit.

20s Me: Hi. Yeah. I’ve looked around a little. I’ve seen some of our more recent memories.

Mom: And?

20s Me: We’re not the person I imagined we’d become. We don’t start our own business, we aren’t wealthy, we aren’t famous in any way.

Mom: No we aren’t. Are you disappointed?

20s Me: Kind of, yeah. But at the same time… I’ve seen what we become. I’ve seen you with your long curly hair, wearing a dress down to your knees. And you look so happy. I had some good times, but I was never truly happy. Not like that.

Mom: It’s kind of remarkable, isn’t it?

20s Me (starting to cry): I just… I felt like I just stood still and spun my wheels for my entire 20s. I tried getting ahead, but nothing ever worked for me.

Mom: Yeah, a lot of it feels pointless in retrospect.

20s Me (annoyed): So why bring me back here? Just to laugh at me?

Mom: No, just the opposite. I’m trying to examine my past selves and understand why things went the way they did. Maybe forgive my inner children for not achieving what I thought I should have. For all of you “kids” that process begins by recognizing that you’re trans.

20s Me: I don’t feel trans.

Mom: We didn’t feel trans until we transitioned, but we’ve always been a trans girl. You know how you struggle with getting things done for yourself? You start projects, but as soon as you hit a roadblock, anxiety starts to build and you shelve the project for good.

20s Me (annoyed): Ugh, don’t remind me.

Mom: Well a big part of that is that you’re trans. You’ve been performing the wrong gender your whole life and it takes an enormous amount of your emotional energy. You barely have any left over for yourself, so the first roadblock breaks you every time.

20s Me: And that isn’t a problem anymore?

Mom: Not nearly as much. Look at this story, for example. This is the… 11th scene in this story? 14 if you count the extras, and they’ve been coming out every three days for a couple weeks now. When have we ever been able to do that before? When have we been able to put out even three consistent episodes of anything before?

20s Me: Huh… Huh. So… Let’s say I accept that I’m a girl. Then what?

Mom: Then you hang out with your sisters and we work through things. And you get to be with me as I experience life.

20s Me: And… I get to have that look in my eyes too? I get to be happy?

Mom: You have no idea.

20s Me (tearfully): I… I want it. I really want it.

Mom: Then it’s yours, Daphne.

20s Me: Oh right, the name! We really went with Daphne?

Mom: We held onto it for 20 years; after all that time nothing else felt right.

20s Me: It hasn’t been 20 years for me. And what, are we all Daphne then?

Mom: We are, but I’ve given everyone nicknames to make things less confusing. High school me is Bloom and college me is Libra. Those two just call me Mom.

20s Me: So give me a nickname, Mom. I don’t want to be stuck with that video game name.

Mom: I feel like Daphne will grow on you, but in the meantime… You’re out of college and you’re out in the world for the first time. It’s your first time living completely independently; your first time leaving the nest, so to speak. Maybe a bird name… How about Lark?

Lark: That’s… not bad. Alright, I’m Lark. Now what?

Mom: Now go meet your sisters. Try to get along; I’ll come by later to see how things are going.